Buy Me Stuff

Breaking news: Christmas is one week away! I'm not a big Christmas fan: I absolutely HATE Christmas songs, all those decorations tend to make me blind (and thinking: aren't we supposed to make changes and save electricity?), I don't get the Christmas spirit (why so cheerful?), and I really want to point out that green and red do NOT go well together. Also, I don't like foie gras--the staple of every Christmas meal in France. YIKES.

There's one thing I like about Christmas though: presents! And you know what, it's not too late for you to get me one! Or several, as you please.
So I figured I would make a wishlist, just to guide you in the right direction. Because I love presents, but I hate it when I get something I don't like. Don't give me that reproving look, I know you do too.

Since you're supposed to choose a present according to the person you will give it to, I actually made 3 wishlists. Just to make sure you'll pick the right present for the right situation.

First option: you really don't like me at all. (I don't see why, since I'm so adorable and everyone loves me, but whatever; let's say you hate me for some reason--maybe I stole your sandwich once)
Here's the appropriate wishlist: pick one of those items and you can rest assured that
1. your hate won't go unnoticed
2. I will be plunged into a state of utter despair while opening your "gift"

HATE GIFT #1 - The Sudoku Toilet Paper



I hate Sudoku, and offering toilet paper surely is a very symbolic gesture (don't worry, symbolism is a close friend of mine, I will get your point).






HATE GIFT #2 - La Vie En Rose Collector DVD



Marion Cotillard is my number 1 nemesis.










HATE GIFT #3 - The Humping Dog USB



It's totally useless and of poor taste. It will also make me look ridiculous in front of everyone--something that you should appreciate.







HATE GIFT #4 - Tissues



I will certainly need one after I have opened this present.




HATE GIFT #5 - The Cat Phone Holder



Lame, fugly and stupid.
Exactly the adjectives you use to describe me!








HATE GIFT #6 - The Twilight Saga



I may vomit all over it, and thus give you the opportunity to make fun of me on every occasion you'll get--even 50 years from now in front of my grandkids: "You weren't born yet, but you should know that in 2009...". Clever!






HATE GIFT #7 - Nothing



No, really. There is a gift that's literally NOTHING and costs money.
The only thing more pointless is.. yes, that's right, me!
Once again, nice symbolism. Kudos!








See, I've already done all the work for you! HATE FEST!

Second option: you like me! (you can't fight it, almost everyone on this planet is in the same case)
Here are my fave gift options, the ones that will make me beam more than a Christmas tree.

LIKE GIFT #1 - A Viggo Mortensen Art Book



You'll be my hero.
I might even consider marrying you. Even if you're a girl.









LIKE GIFT #2 - Urban Decay Book of Shadows Vol. II



I will like you, and it will make me look pretty. Win-win!









LIKE GIFT #3 - Pochette Surprise
(literal translation: Surprise Package, but I doubt that's how you say it in English and I have no clue what it could be. Can anyone help me on that one?)



I love surprises!
And it's cheap. Like J-Lo, my love don't cost a thing.








LIKE GIFT #4 - A Metallica Concert Ticket



Please please please, make it happen!
They're playing in Lyon in May 2010 and I want to go!









LIKE GIFT #5 - A Rubik's Cube



I really like those things, they make me feel the '80s vibe.
Plus, I will be able to cross something off my bucket list when I finally figure out how to solve one!

LIKE GIFT #6 - A Sex Pistols T-Shirt



I want anarchy in my closet.
This one is my favorite. Rock on!








LIKE GIFT #7 - A Squirrel Stuffed Animal



I put the squee in squirrel.

This one is so cute and awesome and... fluffy!







Third option: I'm the center of your universe and you love me, but you don't know how to show it.
Here are gifts that should make it crystal clear. And maybe scare me a little, but in a good way.

LOVE GIFT #1 - Oz Complete Series Collector DVD Set


That gift will totally make me see you in a whole different light. Maybe my love costs a thing, after all.
It also proves that you know my tastes in TV shows, and that's a huge plus. Because if you get me Prison Break Complete Series DVDs, I will strangle you with the gift ribbon.







LOVE GIFT #2 - Couture

May I suggest this amazing 3.1 Phillip Lim sequined silk-chiffon top?
A bit pricey, but still less than 590€.
And by that I mean it's 589€.









LOVE GIFT #3 - A PONY!!!!









I'M SO HAPPY I CAN'T REFRAIN FROM ALL CAPS TYPING!!!
AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!







Now you're all set. I can't wait for the 25th!

To end this post on a Christmas-related note, let me introduce you to the only Christmas song that I like, by my mentor and dream guy: Jon LaJoie.

HO HO HO.

Seven. Again.

Hey everyone--I'm back! And in English! Please pretend you care!

Sorry it's been a while. I really have no excuse, unless being lazy counts as one. But I've actually been a bit busy lately. Mostly busy catching up on my sleeping schedule. Which means sleeping way too much. Winter's coming up, it's that time of year when I want to hibernate until Spring. But I have an excuse for that one: all those sleepless nights of insomnia must and shall be made up for. Those nights keep happening anyway because I'm stressed out because....

[suspenseful new paragraph]

... I'm taking the GRE like, really soon. AAAAH!
Those American tests are just too freaking hard for a French person. In the system I am used to, exams last 4 to 5 hours and you have to write essays. The agrégation (a lot of my friends are taking it this year) even requires that you sweat on your desk for 7 hours straight, trying to write something that makes sense and not losing your mind in the process.
So I thought I would give above-mentioned friends a special shout-out: GO AGREGATIFS, GO!!

Compared to 5-hour or 7-hour essays (we actually call them dissertations) that you write on paper (the most pages I've ever written was 19 I think. But people can write wayyyy more), a computer-based multiple choice test seems pretty scary.
That, and I haven't taken any maths class since my freshman year in college. A long time ago. I mean, a few years ago. Like, yesterday, really.
Which is weird, thinking that back in high school my favorite subject was maths: I majored in maths and I even had the crazy idea to become a maths teacher.
But the times they have A-changed and here I am, ready to board a train to Paris (amidst a public transport strike, obviously) and take the GRE.

Did just bore you to death?
Thankfully, I actually have something to talk about. Thanks to Neph, I'm supposed to give you my all-time favorite 7 songs. Of course we all know that it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to pick just seven (also, my favorite song ever might be one that I haven't discovered yet. Stuff happens.), and my favorite songs are always changing depending on my mood. So don't take my list as a fixed timeless one, but rather as a sample of my taste. Does that make sense?

Here we go. This is in no way classified, there's no actual number one (as you may have guessed, making choices is a torture for me).

1. Pixies, Where Is My Mind
Did someone say "classic"? Anyone who doesn't recognize this song from the very first second is pretty much dead to me.

2. Bob Dylan, I Want You
Dedicate that song to me and I will instantly throw myself at you. Okay maybe not instantly, other factors have to be considered, but it will definitely give you bonus points.

3. Love, Alone Again Or
Because all you need is Love. This song is the first on Forever Changes, which came out in 1967 and is possibly my favorite album of all time (yes, I can make up my mind once in a while).
Also, I'm a sucker for the sixties and seventies.

4. Tommy James & The Shondells, Crimson & Clover
Did I mention I love the sixties?

5. Susheela Raman, Song to the Siren
Don't get me wrong, I love the original by Tim Buckley, but that cover is just perfect.
The title of the YouTube video is wrong, but that's the only one I could find.

6. Ramones, Howling At The Moon (Sha-La-La)
Addictive! Favorite Ramones song. And I definitely "want to steal from the rich and give to the poor" (random fact about me: I love Kevin Costner in that Robin Hood movie)

7. Aah, already? Only one left? But I still haven't listed anything from Janis, Django, Pink Floyd, The Beatles, Kasabian, Al Green, Nancy Sinatra and Johnny Cash (and all the others)! And I haven't picked any classical music yet! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE?! This is tragic.
I guess I'll just pick a French song. Which is going to be super hard because really, who wants to listen to French music?

But this is actually cool, because it gives me the opportunity to pick Autour de Sade by Fred, an artist who's not very known (or at least, less known than he should). So not known that I can't find a video of this song, but you can listen to it here on Deezer.
Also, if you want to make me happy (and I'm sure you do), check out Fred's MySpace.

So this is the list I'm giving you now, but ask me again in two days and my answer will probably be different.

BONUS TRACKS
Those 7 songs might make you think that my musical tastes are perfect and/or that I'm awesome, so just to keep some balance, I'm gonna give you my top 3 guilty pleasure songs. Songs that I actually don't feel guilty at all listening to.

1. Hanson, MmmBop
This will be the song they will play at my funeral to cheer people up. Or make them sadder, I don't know. Anyway, if you know me in real life you already know that I LOVE IT!
Here's a live acoustic version (you can skip the talking at the beginning of the video, but Taylor is still cute!).

2. Toto, Africa
A few people have had the privilege to see me perform a special drunk choreography to this song. You know who you are.
That being said, Toto often saves me from being sad, angry, or both. And check out that luxurious hairstyle! This video clip is mesmerizing, I'm telling you.

3. ATC, Around The World
I discovered only yesterday that ATC stands for A Touch of Class. Which makes total sense if you watch this video:

Aren't those dance moves the epitome of class? I'd say... No, just a touch. I'm sure that's where the band name came from:
- Hey, what should be our name?
- Mmm I don't know. We have such awesome outfits and elaborate dancing going on... Maybe Super Class?
- Dude, that's a great idea, but maybe it'll make people think we're vain and arrogant and full of ourselves. Even if we ARE super classy.
- I guess you're right. What about A Touch of Class then? Sounds elegant, but still modest.
- Yeah! That's so cool! And to make it sound elaborate and mysterious, we could make it an acronym!
- Genius! We rock.