There's one thing I like about Christmas though: presents! And you know what, it's not too late for you to get me one! Or several, as you please.
So I figured I would make a wishlist, just to guide you in the right direction. Because I love presents, but I hate it when I get something I don't like. Don't give me that reproving look, I know you do too.
Since you're supposed to choose a present according to the person you will give it to, I actually made 3 wishlists. Just to make sure you'll pick the right present for the right situation.
First option: you really don't like me at all. (I don't see why, since I'm so adorable and everyone loves me, but whatever; let's say you hate me for some reason--maybe I stole your sandwich once)
Here's the appropriate wishlist: pick one of those items and you can rest assured that
1. your hate won't go unnoticed
2. I will be plunged into a state of utter despair while opening your "gift"
HATE GIFT #1 - The Sudoku Toilet Paper
I hate Sudoku, and offering toilet paper surely is a very symbolic gesture (don't worry, symbolism is a close friend of mine, I will get your point).
HATE GIFT #2 - La Vie En Rose Collector DVD
Marion Cotillard is my number 1 nemesis.
HATE GIFT #3 - The Humping Dog USB
It's totally useless and of poor taste. It will also make me look ridiculous in front of everyone--something that you should appreciate.
HATE GIFT #4 - Tissues
I will certainly need one after I have opened this present.
HATE GIFT #5 - The Cat Phone Holder
Lame, fugly and stupid.
Exactly the adjectives you use to describe me!
HATE GIFT #6 - The Twilight Saga
I may vomit all over it, and thus give you the opportunity to make fun of me on every occasion you'll get--even 50 years from now in front of my grandkids: "You weren't born yet, but you should know that in 2009...". Clever!
HATE GIFT #7 - Nothing
No, really. There is a gift that's literally NOTHING and costs money.
The only thing more pointless is.. yes, that's right, me!
Once again, nice symbolism. Kudos!
See, I've already done all the work for you! HATE FEST!
Second option: you like me! (you can't fight it, almost everyone on this planet is in the same case)
Here are my fave gift options, the ones that will make me beam more than a Christmas tree.
LIKE GIFT #1 - A Viggo Mortensen Art Book
You'll be my hero.
I might even consider marrying you. Even if you're a girl.
LIKE GIFT #2 - Urban Decay Book of Shadows Vol. II
I will like you, and it will make me look pretty. Win-win!
LIKE GIFT #3 - Pochette Surprise
(literal translation: Surprise Package, but I doubt that's how you say it in English and I have no clue what it could be. Can anyone help me on that one?)
I love surprises!
And it's cheap. Like J-Lo, my love don't cost a thing.
LIKE GIFT #4 - A Metallica Concert Ticket
Please please please, make it happen!
They're playing in Lyon in May 2010 and I want to go!
LIKE GIFT #5 - A Rubik's Cube
I really like those things, they make me feel the '80s vibe.
Plus, I will be able to cross something off my bucket list when I finally figure out how to solve one!
LIKE GIFT #6 - A Sex Pistols T-Shirt
I want anarchy in my closet.
This one is my favorite. Rock on!
LIKE GIFT #7 - A Squirrel Stuffed Animal
I put the squee in squirrel.
This one is so cute and awesome and... fluffy!
Third option: I'm the center of your universe and you love me, but you don't know how to show it.
Here are gifts that should make it crystal clear. And maybe scare me a little, but in a good way.
LOVE GIFT #1 - Oz Complete Series Collector DVD Set
That gift will totally make me see you in a whole different light. Maybe my love costs a thing, after all.
It also proves that you know my tastes in TV shows, and that's a huge plus. Because if you get me Prison Break Complete Series DVDs, I will strangle you with the gift ribbon.
LOVE GIFT #2 - Couture
May I su
ggest this amazing 3.1 Phillip Lim sequined silk-chiffon top?A bit pricey, but still less than 590€.
And by that I mean it's 589€.
LOVE GIFT #3 - A PONY!!!!
I'M SO HAPPY I CAN'T REFRAIN FROM ALL CAPS TYPING!!!
AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!
Now you're all set. I can't wait for the 25th!
To end this post on a Christmas-related note, let me introduce you to the only Christmas song that I like, by my mentor and dream guy: Jon LaJoie.
HO HO HO.
Ouais ben c'est bon, on a compris le message^^
ReplyDeleteTu serais surprise de savoir dans quelle catégorie je me situe, dans cette liste !
The squirrel is cute :)
ReplyDeletei love the rubbik cubric (or however it is spelled) as well! but i tell you, they are danfgerous. you dont want one unless you want to feel as the foolest fool forever and ever!
ReplyDeleteand why so much hate for christmas? i understand the songs, the fake spirit of love and the cheesy decoration that blinds one (not the foigras,mmm) but it is a nice holiday not only because you can procrastinate as much as you want but also because it is at the end of the year, a kind of stop to remember all that you made, got, learnt and enjoyed: that can make you very happy. and i'm not trying to be christmasly taky myself. but maybe i am.
ah ah, mon petit cousin a eu le haine cadeau numéro 6, et c'est lui qui l'avait réclamé :D
ReplyDelete