Seven

I don't know where the idea of this post came from, but I feel like talking about sins.

No, not Sims, sins

Are you a sinner? I know I am. Let's take a closer look at those supposedly Deadly Sins (because if they were really deadly, I would have died a long time ago). I think I have them all--I hope there is Jell-O in Hell.

Let's start with the first, and perhaps most important one in Wikipedia's list: lust, defined by "excessive thoughts or desires of a sexual nature."
Ok, now can someone please explain to me how is that a bad thing? Isn't reproduction the ultimate goal of all species?
And if it is indeed a sin, am I the only one to think it's really ironical to condemn lust and at the same time make possible the existence of human creatures that justify it?

[insert picture of random lust-able guy/girl here]
Just saying

Now, let's move on to gluttony, "the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste."
Waste? Wow, that's a concept our modern societies know nothing about!

Now I'm craving M&M's. Great.

Plus, if you can erase that image from Seven off your mind, gluttony is pretty cool. That's why we invented junk food. Where's the fun in eating vegetables? Also, social events almost command you to be a glutton--think weddings, think receptions, think buffets.
And if you're eating it, it's not really wasted, right? Logic at work here.

Next one on the list is greed, a.k.a. "the excessive or rapacious desire and pursuit of money, wealth, power". Because everyone would rather be poor and impotent, but virtuous.

Help me, I'm too wealthy!

Sloth is next on the list, but I'm feeling too lazy to talk about it.

Then we have wrath, the sin of "inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger."

Really, I don't know what you're talking about.

Next is envy. Apparently, "those who commit the sin of envy resent that another person has something they perceive themselves as lacking, and wish the other person to be deprived of it."

It's not envy if she didn't deserve it.
(NB: this picture could also be used for wrath)

Last, and maybe least, is pride (yes, my self-esteem is shaky these days), or as Augustine put it: "the love of one's own excellence".
Instead, I encourage you to feel like you're a pathetic nobody. Really, you are, you really are! Doesn't it feel GREAT?

You're welcome

Wikipedia even has a chart of the virtues matching those sins. Let me introduce you to the major fun of chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness and humility. Wow, I almost bored myself to death just writing them.

In the end, sins are all about excess, yes. But aren't we human beings people of excess?

I would think so.