Crushes

Everyone has them once in a while, right? For pretty much everything. It can last for ten minutes, ten days or ten years, but crushes all have a certain magic about them. It's like you couldn't tell exactly what makes you so attracted to them, you just are and you can't get enough. Kind of the same thing as an addiction, and God knows I have an addictive personality--relax, it's just an expression, I still don't believe in God.

So here are three of my most recent crushes. Drum roll.

Crush #1 is a band. Don't act like you don't know which one.

I love awkward poses in pictures.

Yes, I'm talking about Kasabian. As everyone probably knows by now, I saw them in concert last weekend and they were fucking amazing (I can't help swearing when I love something). I already liked them a lot before but now I'm seriously in love. I'm listening to their albums on a loop, I even bought the collector edition of West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum, and I have tickets to their February shows. Basically, I'm a groupie. It's not just that I think Sergio Pizzorno is the hottest guy ever.

Even if he is.

But more importantly, after listening to them non-stop for days, I really can say that their music and its vibe speaks to my soul. Even my body has a reaction to it. I was floating out of myself Saturday, high on the music and only on the music. It was one of those magic moments: you can't remember for sure if they were real but you felt something more, without knowing what it was. I'm sorry, I can't explain myself (and I probably sound a bit freaky), but it's how it was. I guess you have to experience it by yourselves.
About this song, Serge says himself that "everyone is going mental for it live". I have to agree.

Crush #2 is a TV show, it's called Breaking Bad, and it's gonna rock your world.
The story is about Walter White, a middle-aged chemistry teacher (Bryan Cranston, Hal from Malcolm in the Middle, whom you will not recognize) who discovers he has inoperable lung cancer and decides to start cooking and dealing meth to provide for his family once he's gone. He finds a partner in a stoner drop-out, lost sheep former student of his (Aaron Paul). It's a pretty dark drama, but there are also sparks of black humor. I highly recommend it. If you like shows like The Shield (the character of Walt's brother-in-law is like Vic McKey's little brother), and/or if you like well-constructed, well-written, well-acted, intense shows that will leave you out of breath on your couch once the episode is over, then Breaking Bad is for you.
To give you an idea, this is the opening scene of the pilot. I will say no more, except that there are already 2 seasons (20 episodes total) and a third one should be coming in 2010.

Crush #3 is this book. I ordered it on Amazon along with books for school because I thought I could really use some breaks from working. It turns out that now, I'm just immersed in that book and I work during the breaks I take from reading.
I have a bad feeling about this.

Quote which could be featured in this book

This book is seriously addictive. Especially for a film whore like me.
I'll give you one of my favorite quote, from Paul Thomas Anderson's Boogie Nights:
- I'm not going to shoot you in the state you're in.
- State of what? State of California? I know where the fuck I am, Jack.

These days, my life basically revolves around those three crushes. I'd try to throw in some eating, but I'm not very good at multitasking.

Seven

I don't know where the idea of this post came from, but I feel like talking about sins.

No, not Sims, sins

Are you a sinner? I know I am. Let's take a closer look at those supposedly Deadly Sins (because if they were really deadly, I would have died a long time ago). I think I have them all--I hope there is Jell-O in Hell.

Let's start with the first, and perhaps most important one in Wikipedia's list: lust, defined by "excessive thoughts or desires of a sexual nature."
Ok, now can someone please explain to me how is that a bad thing? Isn't reproduction the ultimate goal of all species?
And if it is indeed a sin, am I the only one to think it's really ironical to condemn lust and at the same time make possible the existence of human creatures that justify it?

[insert picture of random lust-able guy/girl here]
Just saying

Now, let's move on to gluttony, "the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste."
Waste? Wow, that's a concept our modern societies know nothing about!

Now I'm craving M&M's. Great.

Plus, if you can erase that image from Seven off your mind, gluttony is pretty cool. That's why we invented junk food. Where's the fun in eating vegetables? Also, social events almost command you to be a glutton--think weddings, think receptions, think buffets.
And if you're eating it, it's not really wasted, right? Logic at work here.

Next one on the list is greed, a.k.a. "the excessive or rapacious desire and pursuit of money, wealth, power". Because everyone would rather be poor and impotent, but virtuous.

Help me, I'm too wealthy!

Sloth is next on the list, but I'm feeling too lazy to talk about it.

Then we have wrath, the sin of "inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger."

Really, I don't know what you're talking about.

Next is envy. Apparently, "those who commit the sin of envy resent that another person has something they perceive themselves as lacking, and wish the other person to be deprived of it."

It's not envy if she didn't deserve it.
(NB: this picture could also be used for wrath)

Last, and maybe least, is pride (yes, my self-esteem is shaky these days), or as Augustine put it: "the love of one's own excellence".
Instead, I encourage you to feel like you're a pathetic nobody. Really, you are, you really are! Doesn't it feel GREAT?

You're welcome

Wikipedia even has a chart of the virtues matching those sins. Let me introduce you to the major fun of chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness and humility. Wow, I almost bored myself to death just writing them.

In the end, sins are all about excess, yes. But aren't we human beings people of excess?

I would think so.

Weirdos

Allez un petit post en français, pour vous mes fans.

Ce soir c'est un peu mon moment loque, je mange des caramels au beurre salé devant ma télé, et toute envie d'un post structuré au développement logique et cohérent m'a donc abandonnée depuis longtemps. Merci M6.
Je vais donc vous parler de ma vie, le seul sujet qui ne me lasse jamais. C'est d'ailleurs tout le but d'un blog : pouvoir parler de soi quand même les gens dans la vraie vie ne vous écoutent plus.

Tout d'abord, une petite mise au point (mais sans Jackie Quartz, faut pas déconner). Apparemment, on atterrit sur mon site en tapant "Gerard Vives torse nu" sur Google. Ce qui s'explique par un précédent post où, rassurez-vous, je ne parlais pas du tout de Gérard.
Comme je veux satisfaire mon lectorat (on fait avec ce qu'on a), le revoici le revoilà, for your eyes only.

Un marcel et un cycliste rayé valent bien un torse nu

Interlude OH-MY-GOD : on m'informe que Gérard Vives s'est apparemment recyclé dans les rôles de prêtres psychopathes assoiffés de violence sanguinaire. Non, je ne plaisante pas.

Ceci est une publicité pour l'anticléricalisme.

Vous me croyez maintenant ? Il va falloir appeler Soeur Thérèse.com pour élucider ce mystère.

Une des autres requêtes qui dirige sur mon blog est "j'ai lu toute deux fois". J'en déduis donc que j'attire les bègues obsédés par Gérard Vives. Je ne suis pas très rassurée. Ca ça fait fait un un peu peu peur peur.

Surtout que maintenant, les requêtes "anticléricalisme", "Soeur Thérèse.com", "bègues obsédés", "Jackie Quartz", et surtout "prêtres psychopathes assoiffés de violence sanguinaire" redirigeront aussi sur mon blog. Il va y en avoir du beau monde.

Témoignage de Norman B. : "a boy's best friend is this blog"

En fait, je voulais surtout vous parler d'un film de Woody Allen que j'ai vu hier et dont le titre original est What's up, Tigerlily? Punchy, non ?


Sauf qu'en français, ça donne Lily la Tigresse, ce qui fait un peu plus "mauvais film porno" (et hop, encore une requête funky pour mon blog, je maîtrise).

Si vous aimez La Classe Américaine plus que votre vie (ou presque), si vous êtes fan du "Un cheeseburger !! Et un Coca !!" de Mozinor, vous allez être servis, puisque ce film en est l'ancêtre, ou plutôt le précurseur. Mine de rien ça nous semble anodin, mais en 1966, ça a dû un peu perturber le public.
Le principe, c'est que Woody Allen a pris un film d'action japonais à la James Bond, Kokusai himitsu keisatsu : Kagi no kagi, et a remplacé la bande sonore par celle d'un film de sa propre création.

L'histoire devient donc celle de Phil Moscowitz, qui se décrit comme un "loveable rogue" (un fripon sympathique). Par un étrange concours de circonstances, il rencontre le Macha (le roi quoi) du Raspur, un pays qui n'existe pas encore et qui n'attend qu'une chose, qu'un emplacement se libère sur la carte. La Macha envoie donc Moscowitz en mission : il doit partir à la recherche d'une mystérieuse recette de salade d'oeufs dont le détenteur aura le pouvoir suprême sur Terre, et pourra donc enfin faire du Raspur un vrai pays avec une place sur la carte.
Et comme si ça n'était pas déjà assez compliqué comme ça, il doit aussi se méfier de tous les gens qu'il rencontre, car il n'est évidemment pas le seul sur la piste de cette recette secrète et jalousement gardée...

Comme vous l'aurez sûrement deviné, l'histoire est assez confuse, mais c'est surtout un prétexte aux dialogues les plus loufoques, juxtaposés sur un film dont les images originales sont déjà un bijou d'absurde à elles seules.

Pour la petite histoire, une fois le film fini, le studio de production a fait plusieurs modifications, notamment en ajoutant des scènes de clip des Lovin' Spoonful, sans consulter Woody Allen. En voyant le produit fini, ce dernier a donc eu une réaction épidermique, en gros il a halluciné sa race, et c'est à ce moment-là qu'il a décidé de produire lui-même ses films.

Mais les images parlent plus que les mots :

Alors, ça vous tente ? Vous avez envie de le voir ? Ou vous préférez plutôt voir un film avec Gérard Vives en prêtre sadique ?

Life Facts #1

Since this blog is also about providing spiritual guidance, I'm launching a new post category.
And I can feel you're already super excited about it!

You know how there are days when you figure out some basic life facts and you want to share this knoweldge with the world?
Well, the day has come for me to uncover some of the great Truths of the Universe.

Take a deep breath, here we go.

Google image's conception of "take a deep breath" involves braids and weird yoga poses outdoors

1. For your well-being and the well-being of others on cold days, I am sharing this insane discovery. If you use conditioner after your shampoo, your hair will look just fine. If you're in a hurry and skip the conditioner part, your hair will be so electric it could power a Mötley Crüe reunion tour.

But maybe that's the effect you're going for.

2. You know that Darwin is sending you a "I have a bad feeling about this" sign (why yes, even Darwin loves Star Wars) when you see some unknow attractive guy in the street and consequently coin the expression unrequited love at first sight.

Seriously Google image, WTF is wrong with you?!

3. Do not ever, under any circumstance, advertise a party with an Apocalypse Now poster. Because it will scare people away.

This is how we party, come on everybody.

But if you really must, at least leave the original title instead of photoshopping it with a pun that doesn't even make sense.
Because when you think about it, who wouldn't want to party on the Apocalypse? It's the best time to go all sorts of crazy! One last blast before we go.

Even Uncle Sam if up for it. Or rather, down.

4. If for some reason (or some reasons: bad hair day, unrequited love at first sight, and desolate party) you feel kind of down, there's only one solution--actually, there are two solutions, so let me rephrase: there's only one LEGAL solution.
Four words: Toto. Africa. Full volume.

I bet they used conditioner.

Wait--that's legal, right?

I could sleep forever these days, 'cause in my dreams I see you again

Except I can't actually "see you again" right now because I can't get any freaking sleep. It's been going on for a couple of weeks now. My already shaky mental sanity is seriously on the highway to the danger zone (can you believe I master Top Gun references even at 4:37am? I'm really great).

Insomnia sucks. It really does. You want to sleep, you have the opportunity to sleep, there's no one to keep you from sleeping (even the Facebook chat has been deserted), so you turn off the light, lay in bed, start counting sheep (I personally prefer to count squirrels, but that's just me), think of world peace, body lotion, jazz music and other soothing things, and... nothing. Nothing but sleeplessness. It's like you're beating the odds but you get no reward for it whatsoever.

The worst thing is, I'm writing this and wandering on the Internet like a lost soul, but there are so many profitable things I could be doing instead!
Let's make a list (I bet you totally saw that one coming--you're really great too). I could make the most of my vampiric sleep schedule by...

1. Working
That's what Batman would do.

2. Working out
Just not going to happen. Like, not now, not ever.

3. Catching up on TV shows
Except I"m used to do that during the day whenever I feel lazy.

4. Writing my masterpiece novel who will bring me fame and respect. And money
Because writing about writing it is not going to do it.

5. Updating my Facebook status
Uh oh

6. Painting my nails
But what happens if I manage to fall asleep before the nail polish dries?

7. Fighting crime
Too bad my superhero attire is in the wash. Plus, I got a run in my tights yesterday.

8. Drunk dialing
Too bad I'm not drunk.

9. Getting drunk
It's beer for breakfast!

10. Sleeping
Word.

Now it's 5:39am, the list is done and I'm still not sleeping. Instead I'm listening to Gotta Have You by The Weepies and dedicating it to my long lost love, Sleep:

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you

Before I finally turn on the computer and try to get at least 2 hours of cell rejuvenation, I must tell you about this website. It's a lifetime in pictures, it's very touching and you have to see it. More details on the wikipedia page of the artist.
I highly recommend it: humanity at its most simple and yet at its best.

Now that I've spread enough sunshine (get it? I'm so funny when I don't sleep), it's time to go and find Morpheus.

Oops, wrong guy